01-27-2013, 04:20 PM
hi josh. at present, the poem is a little list like in how it's expressed. see if you can get some kind of rhythm going with it and if it makes any difference. there's a bit of confusion in that the box never makes a sound but there's a tiny sound in the middle of it. you capture a feeling of being trapped, closed in or out from the rest of the world, but i think you need more depth