01-26-2013, 10:05 PM
Thank you very much Leanne for a useful critique.
You're so right about the beginning, I've tried a few none of which work quite well enough, I've settled with this for now because despite the lack of specificity it does at least introduce the couple, define them and contribute toward an outline identity. I' hoping other critters will have suggestions too. I hope you'll comment on the revision I've made to the cliche-ridden stanza. Hopefully it still serves its purpose even though I use less familiar phrases. There are other more minor word changes elsewhere.
You're so right about the beginning, I've tried a few none of which work quite well enough, I've settled with this for now because despite the lack of specificity it does at least introduce the couple, define them and contribute toward an outline identity. I' hoping other critters will have suggestions too. I hope you'll comment on the revision I've made to the cliche-ridden stanza. Hopefully it still serves its purpose even though I use less familiar phrases. There are other more minor word changes elsewhere.