hi noheart.
the rhythm of the poem feels solid, todd makes some good suggestions.
as the reader, i want more depth, while some ambiguity is okay i want to know the whys and wherefores of it. what is the maw of oblivion etc? lots of the poem could be cut away, most of these two stanza are filler.
my only hope is that they will remember
that there is something I left behind
something more
than disappointment
than regret
as I walk this world
the feeling remains
that I must go on
no matter what
the rhythm of the poem feels solid, todd makes some good suggestions.
as the reader, i want more depth, while some ambiguity is okay i want to know the whys and wherefores of it. what is the maw of oblivion etc? lots of the poem could be cut away, most of these two stanza are filler.
my only hope is that they will remember
that there is something I left behind
something more
than disappointment
than regret
as I walk this world
the feeling remains
that I must go on
no matter what