great that you're giving feedback guys, but try to keep non line by line in the novice forum 
Hi air,
the poem need to express your thought etc, if when reading many stop short then it doesn't work. for instance, the 1st two lines are straight forward and then i'm pulled up short, after a few minutes i see what you're saying but somehow what you're saying doesn't fit with the nature of the 1st two lines. i see the snow covers things, makes them less sharp but it doesn't feel very mother nature like the 1st two lines do, it feels as the poem drifts to far into the clinical eye.
Hi air,
the poem need to express your thought etc, if when reading many stop short then it doesn't work. for instance, the 1st two lines are straight forward and then i'm pulled up short, after a few minutes i see what you're saying but somehow what you're saying doesn't fit with the nature of the 1st two lines. i see the snow covers things, makes them less sharp but it doesn't feel very mother nature like the 1st two lines do, it feels as the poem drifts to far into the clinical eye.
(01-21-2013, 04:47 PM)Air Wrote: Snowflakes on a fleeting day,
Slipping through peaceful gray,
Rounding edges in natural mass,
Cleanse into rounded plains,
Interruptions of distant view,
Intended to blend blue,
Forming a modest tone,
Never seen never known,
Drift found by sovereign wind,
Lapse found before it begins,
Strive softly, to no avail,
Pleasure found on the way down.