Keep Going

[brandontoh]

As the day turns to night,
And there is no more light.
For this darkness swallows me.
I sit here and ponder,
What it is like to be free,
If my life was different
To know what it’s like to be happy,
To be trusted,
To be loved.
Although I find myself dreaming
Of what will never be,
I’m fighting an impossible war,
One that I will never win,
But this is life.
All you can do is smile
And keep going.

Welcome to the Pig Pen. =) You do seem kind of new to poetry according to this one you posted, so here are some tips.

First, avoid cliches. That's not to say you can't write about angst, love and loneliness. What it means is to write them in new and novel ways, so they are immersive and provide unique and evoking imageries. This poem is a good effort, but it's too literal. Reading up will help. =)

Secondly, show, don't tell. These are the 3 words I find myself telling a lot of new people here, but it's something worth remembering. You don't want to just say "And I'm lonely", you want to do something that's more impactful, for example "Piercing silence envelops," From this poem I can tell that you have a grasp on it, and I'm just spelling it out because I think it helps.

You can also cut the excess. Trimming the fats. Poems can be lengthy, but for what you're doing here, removing the redundancies will make the message clearer and more evoking. For example in line 4, you can just write it as "I ponder," since the idea of sitting down doesn't further the imagery and such.

Lastly, structure. Try to divide your poems up into different stanzas so it's easier to digest and also to make your imageries clearer.

Do note that everything here are not ironclad rules, but take what you will, and if you don't, at least you pondered about it.

Now, I know it's mild, so I didn't go into the poem line by line, since I don't want to be too harsh. =x You do have a way with words from what I can see in this poem. Write more, you'll definitely get better. =) Hope I'm of help.