01-26-2013, 05:33 AM
Heaven´s utmost creation,
The most sensitive sensation,
"utmost" doesn't feel right here. It makes sense, but doesn't seem right. Maybe you want to make it right? Your interpretation of the word and "creation"....The rhymes are very thin.
The hardest to wield,
Ones feelings concealed.
'One's feelings'
Off to find heavens chest,
'heaven's chest'
No longer able to be self-possessed,
Human kinds inherent quest,
Human kind's
No time to rest.
Fleeting, boundless, never-ending,
Thus, two people depending.
Though it's easy to see what you're getting at in this poem, there seems to be a lot missing.
The most sensitive sensation,
"utmost" doesn't feel right here. It makes sense, but doesn't seem right. Maybe you want to make it right? Your interpretation of the word and "creation"....The rhymes are very thin.
The hardest to wield,
Ones feelings concealed.
'One's feelings'
Off to find heavens chest,
'heaven's chest'
No longer able to be self-possessed,
Human kinds inherent quest,
Human kind's
No time to rest.
Fleeting, boundless, never-ending,
Thus, two people depending.
Though it's easy to see what you're getting at in this poem, there seems to be a lot missing.