Blues

[tectak]

Like psalms telling of hardship and pain,What psalms do you have in mind? If you are going to express a metaphorical similitude you are hoping to liken something to something else which will, hopefully, serve to clarify. I do not know many psalms, so I am not helped, but those I do know tend to be glorifications of the god of choice and apart from the genre known as "lament" are not about hardship, pain, forbearance or strife. You then complete the sentence without reference to what this clarifying (not) image should be compared to. The last line of this stanza is thus presented as a stark, disassociated fact. The metaphor, or more aptly, the simile, loses its purpose.
forbearance and strength from bearing chains.
Blues make me weep for this brutal world
way before the twelfth bar.This is a good line and stands up well as an opener. I am really not sure that the injection of any religiosity helps. I don't mean this theologically, I mean in a strictly poetic sense.

Felt the blues to my roots
when I had no boots
and wandered down Nowhere Street;
but they melted away
on my revival day:
I met a feller
who had no feet.Well, maybe this should be reposted in fun I think you should just drop the intro-stanza and go with this. I cannot scan it into a blues form, and I tried, but I still want to end with:
deedally, deedally, deedally dum.
Best,
tectak




(Inspiration from the Rose Garden of Sa'di)