01-22-2013, 05:17 AM
Hello Air, and welcome to the site
This is a good poem for a first go. Just some small points below
Snowflakes on a fleeting day,
Slipping through peaceful gray,
Rounding edges in natural mass,
Cleanse into rounded plains, If you wanted end rhyme here, mass, and plains are very diferent sounds
Interruptions of distant view,
Intended to blend blue, For me this line is very choppy
Forming a modest tone, I like this next couplet
Never seen never known,
Drift found by sovereign wind,
Lapse found before it begins,
Strive softly, to no avail,
Pleasure found on the way down.
As this is novice I will leave it there. But for a first attempt this is a good job. Well done and I look forward to more
This is a good poem for a first go. Just some small points below
Snowflakes on a fleeting day,
Slipping through peaceful gray,
Rounding edges in natural mass,
Cleanse into rounded plains, If you wanted end rhyme here, mass, and plains are very diferent sounds
Interruptions of distant view,
Intended to blend blue, For me this line is very choppy
Forming a modest tone, I like this next couplet
Never seen never known,
Drift found by sovereign wind,
Lapse found before it begins,
Strive softly, to no avail,
Pleasure found on the way down.
As this is novice I will leave it there. But for a first attempt this is a good job. Well done and I look forward to more