Individual Breakdown

[brandontoh]

I can't breath -- You forgot a period. Also, try to illustrate not being able to breathe instead of just saying it out. For example, "Gasping for air," or something like that.

I dwell in side my broken mind.
I hold the pills in my hand. -- Too many 'I's. The imagery is not strong enough too. I attribute this to a poor choice of words. For example, "Drowning in thoughts torrent" links back to not being able to breathe and leaves a more powerful impact instead of just dwelling. The second line could be improved by adding more oomph to it. For example, "Pills clenched in my fist."

I want to numb my thoughts.
See the world through a blank stare. -- You're telling again. Illustrate how it feels to numb your thoughts instead of just saying it.

Leave the introspection
that has butchered me. -- Try "that dismembered me". Use words and phrases that can help readers visualise.

Drift in synthetic parallels
of interpersonal security. -- Not sure what to make of this last line, so I'll leave it as it is.

Overall, I feel that this poem has too many lines beginning with 'I'. This is a short poem, and having so many lines starting with that makes it feel too self conscious. The title is 'individual breakdown', so you don't need to constantly put it in first person. Considering the length of the poem though, I think the Mild section is more suitable, but it's your choice. Hope I'm of help, and welcome to the Pig Pen. =)