01-21-2013, 12:28 PM
Rowens, you are right on the money when it comes to my hyphens.
When I put my feet in the shoes of the reader chunks of the poem seem scotch taped together from different worlds - the message seemed clear in my mind when I first started writing this..
I am giving a context that an animal wouldn't be able to give, I am trying to speak for them but tie in the perspective of a child / a mind being farmed. This is a mess. Words like "massive" would be okay, if it was an adult speaking ..but it is an animal speaking - with the mentality of a child....? I can't help but laugh at how crazy this reads now. I am imagining a woman in a cushioned room, who believes she is a man, a child and a pig all at once - shitting herself thinking about how she will never get parole for her mental insanity.
I will work on it. Thank you guys!
*
When I put my feet in the shoes of the reader chunks of the poem seem scotch taped together from different worlds - the message seemed clear in my mind when I first started writing this..
I am giving a context that an animal wouldn't be able to give, I am trying to speak for them but tie in the perspective of a child / a mind being farmed. This is a mess. Words like "massive" would be okay, if it was an adult speaking ..but it is an animal speaking - with the mentality of a child....? I can't help but laugh at how crazy this reads now. I am imagining a woman in a cushioned room, who believes she is a man, a child and a pig all at once - shitting herself thinking about how she will never get parole for her mental insanity.
I will work on it. Thank you guys!
*
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber