Disaster on the SS Grandcamp (2nd Revision)

[billy]

I wanted the captain to be interrupted by the explosion, so I didn't finish the phrase. However, I figured 99% of readers know how that phrase ends, so I made an "implied" rhyme with "rip". I wasn't sure if that would work for everyone.

while i see and understand what you say, i'm of a mind that the majority would pull up short because of the rhyme break. even if for only a few seconds before they go "oh yeah that's what was meant" they stop and have to work it out, it means they stop and have to work it out, and this in turn take more than a little from the serious depth of the poem. i think for a poem of this quality it feels more like a gimmick jmo.