Disaster on the SS Grandcamp (2nd Revision)

[Leanne]

the captain screamed, “All hands abandon-- rhyme?
I wanted the captain to be interrupted by the explosion, so I didn't finish the phrase. However, I figured 99% of readers know how that phrase ends, so I made an "implied" rhyme with "rip". I wasn't sure if that would work for everyone.

I got it -- I like the effect.

In S7 L1, you might consider "peering from" rather than "peering out" -- it's just less staccato. In S8, you use "turns" twice and I'd like to see one of them replaced -- perhaps the first could be "shies"? In L4 of that stanza, "drunkenly" is ever so slightly off-meter -- perhaps you could try "to shake his drunken finger at the street" or something. Alternatively, you could remove "round" from the start of that line and let it begin with "to drunkenly" daDUM daDUM daSTREET (you get the idea!)

I know it's a conclusion but changing tense in the last stanza isn't really necessary. You could have that in present tense also, for the sake of continuity.

You'll note these are very small suggestions. I very much enjoy watching your processes and reading the results. Aside from that one line, which is only a very small bump, I found the meter flawless, which is such a pleasure.