Nursery

[tectak]

Tectak - thank you very much! I am quite new to poetry, this criticism is very useful.
Haha, you made me giggle - I understand what you are saying about how a poems message can eat itself in extended metaphors
I didn't realize my idea was that hidden -


Outside of the work that needs to be done on the writing / errors - Does this change the picture at all for you? ...
There are nurseries for children and there are nurseries for farming animals. What is being farmed here in this poem, a pig in a pen for our stomachs and our plates or a child's mind? Read it again, but imagine an animal waiting for slaughter -

The original name of this poem was Pig's Cry, but I wanted to connect our own minds in society being farmed also.
I wanted to dissolve the idea that a farmed animal is just meat and that it is not conscious being.
I've heard that a pig (for example) has the intelligence of a 3 year old child - so I imagine what it would feel like to see our 3 year old child in this situation - and it gives me compassion for these animals. I imagine a pig in a slaughterhouse when I read this poem - and that I was raised not to think anything of these animals.
"As a little girl at Christmas time chews innocently on my leg." I remember being a child and eating duck in the park while I watched the most beautiful ducks jump around for bread. My mom didn't tell me I was eating duck until after I was finished - I didn't realize as a child that I was eating an animal that suffered to get on my plate. That is partially where this poem spouted from -

.....and that is my point!
If you want to make a point that you feel strongly about (though not, I hope, evangelical.) what is the point of obscuring it?
I got the inferences but the metaphor ate the poem instead of clarifying it by the use of mental imagery. Please don't think I am picking on you but as this is a "poetry" site I just think that the "serious" forum should be for "serious" poetic endeavour. If I am wrong I am sure I will be told!
Before posting it is worthwhile checking spelling, typos and the use of grammar because no one wants to be picky about such things....they should not be part of the crit process.
Poetically, you have shown that you have imagination....everyone does to some extent. Now write something that extends that metaphor which is you. I will look forward to it.
Oh, and I don't mean that you should become a force-fed goose...I love foie gras but it is a bugger to rhyme with.
Best,
tectak