01-17-2013, 12:50 PM
Hey Fathima,
I like the idea of: "Out fly butterflies down purified skin."-----to me it's an image of beauty, freedom and innocence
"The heart, it flutters."-----this line is cliche. It's a good feeling that can be expressed better, although I like the word "flutter" like a butterfly's wings...good connection, just not sure in using "heart" to express it.
"The soul bounces in a molded clay cup.
Such words are not from earth."
That's what I'm talking about! Beautiful lines with great imagery.
"Sincerity supplicates,"----praying to sincerity??
"You have taken me away"---a feel-good image but it's also cliche and vague.
The best way to avoid cliches is to express the emotion differently in your own words in a unique way. Ask yourself the feeling you want to show the reader and how to approach it differently. It may be off the wall, but if it expresses the feeling or thought in a special way and it gets the point across then it's good for the reader and great for you as the writer.
Overall, a very impressive edit. There are a lot of great lines.
I like the idea of: "Out fly butterflies down purified skin."-----to me it's an image of beauty, freedom and innocence
"The heart, it flutters."-----this line is cliche. It's a good feeling that can be expressed better, although I like the word "flutter" like a butterfly's wings...good connection, just not sure in using "heart" to express it.
"The soul bounces in a molded clay cup.
Such words are not from earth."
That's what I'm talking about! Beautiful lines with great imagery.
"Sincerity supplicates,"----praying to sincerity??
"You have taken me away"---a feel-good image but it's also cliche and vague.
The best way to avoid cliches is to express the emotion differently in your own words in a unique way. Ask yourself the feeling you want to show the reader and how to approach it differently. It may be off the wall, but if it expresses the feeling or thought in a special way and it gets the point across then it's good for the reader and great for you as the writer.
Overall, a very impressive edit. There are a lot of great lines.