A poem

[billy]

try and name your poems, they'll love you for it

while it read okay i'd have been more interested if the poem was fleshed out, for such a short poem there was a fair bit of redundancy and repetition of a theme. a small edit would improve it a lot.

Greetings all. I look forward to reading and helping fellow poets on the site. Here is one of mine I hope to refine:

sometimes the darkness
[ind][ind] [ind] [ind] has no end.
what has me trapped
[ind] [ind] [ind] is not the night
nor the lack of light this line feels redundant, clever enough but still redundant.
- it’s my mind in a bend -
laying on a bed
in a hot stinking stifling
hospital room
no not the night at all
but some twinge of pain
needles and tubes
in my veins
not the night
nor lack of light. again, it's redundant