I may never

[billy]

hi leaky,
first off, decide if you want rhyme on non rhymed lines and stick with what you chose. you have some good alliteration in places, because it's trying hard to be a rhymed poem, i think you should try and find a constant meter it will help the flow of the poem no end. strip out all the parts of the poem that have already been said or intimated at in the poem elsewhere. and watch out for those clichés if you can. i've pointed out some pretty bad ones. think original think less is more.

good effort.

I may never glimpse your glow again
Or watch your hair do war with wind good two opening lines. nice g's and w's
So memories please never leave
I’ve lost her once but twice as deep, this and the line above are both awkward to read.
I may never feel the world is mine
Like when you'd smile and shut off time
From time to time we Lived in bliss
In natures gardens far from him.
Our planted seed had never grown
The light had yet to reach its dome
The lack of water made it growl
And secrets made it stop and howl
My heart is shattered, cruel is life
I thought i stumbled upon my wife
So anxiously i fought for us
While you already had on cuffs
And I may never know, why you lied
Or how many teardrops i have cried very cliche
But yet i know it was a lie and here
I wish my ignorance survived
My feelings void inside her eyes
I may never love again for life. and here