01-16-2013, 05:02 PM
i think it's overdone, normally i request or suggest a tightening of the poem by removing excess. while as in the first line isn't needed, the 2nd needs something in front of set. something in front of depths.
it feels very quoty but it not bad at all. there's a poet who writes in this manner but i can't recall their name
it reminds me of the elections. as well as all the bullshit. not bad at all.
no need to ask us to read it, we will if we can
not having that line in there does make it look better.
it feels very quoty but it not bad at all. there's a poet who writes in this manner but i can't recall their name
it reminds me of the elections. as well as all the bullshit. not bad at all. no need to ask us to read it, we will if we can
not having that line in there does make it look better.(01-16-2013, 08:03 AM)Jae Mc Donnell Wrote: Great men are as tools of stupidity;
Set the task of shouting into darkness.
So intent on illuminating their depths
They’re doused in a flood of lesser glows
Arrogance gowns itself in wisdom
And erects home on humanity’s decadence;
Its gardens fertilized by death,
Then graciously watered with parturition
We’re so engrossed by shadow hands,
We ask no questions of casting light.
Are we that impressed by sparkle,
We’d give idiocy our children’s place