01-16-2013, 09:02 AM
Good thoughts about a very unpleasant aspect of society -- have you been watching Fox News? :p
Although it's not bad, I think you could do away with the first stanza or shift it down. The first line of the second stanza is a much stronger beginning.
Instead of the direct "we", you could build this into a completely allegorical piece if you were so inclined -- I'd probably suggest going with the garden metaphor.
Although it's not bad, I think you could do away with the first stanza or shift it down. The first line of the second stanza is a much stronger beginning.
Instead of the direct "we", you could build this into a completely allegorical piece if you were so inclined -- I'd probably suggest going with the garden metaphor.
It could be worse