Dependence

[nothing_good16]

You could keep the image of the dead unborn child in L1 if you made it clearer you were imagining her future, rather than describing the present. Considering how gruesome the abortion process is, right or wrong, there's lots of potential imagery there. You may want to save that "bang" for the end, though.

On L2, you refer to the fetus as "it", but the rest of the poem you use "she" or "her". You could make this consistent by removing the "it", or maybe you could use that inconsistency as a tool in other parts of the poem. In the parts that call for aborting the fetus, you could use "it", then in the parts that call for saving the child, you could use "she" and "her". That would show the back and forth of de-personalization/humanization inherent in this kind of decision.

The other thing you may want to consider exploring is that sometimes the abortion happens in spite of the mother's desire to keep it. The father may be absent, unsupportive, abusive, etc. That would add more layers of complexity to the decision. However, if you're trying to highlight the mother's complete control of the situation, then maybe you could add something about another party's wishes, which I assume are being ignored or shown a lack of respect.

Definitely a lot of potential here.

Thanks for your advice...Here is a revised version of it...If you don't mind, can you tell me if you think this is improvement or if I changed it too much? ..Thanks

There she is:
Lifeless in a pool of blood.

Oh, how my heart attacks,
banging my chest to get out
and be with her.

Air suffocates my lungs.
Internally drowning in eternal emptiness.

Love hates my heart.
My heart to sacrifice my only begotten child-
for my own stability.

So, I'm nothing God-like.

He entrusted me with her.
Only I could've saved her.
Only I could've graved her.
But in my arms, would she be any safer?

I couldn't help it.

It would've taken my all.
It would've needed me.
But, even I couldn't have self-dependency.

No peace.
No daddy.
No home.

We were both alone.