01-16-2013, 07:18 AM
Hello,
Thank you arbil_poieo and monablackbird for your comments and help. I have taken your feedback into consideration and made some changes. I hope this is better.
If you think there could be more editing done, please let me know. Thanks again!
The box said, 'Look at that woman! She is oppressed! '
All he saw was a woman pious and blessed.
The box said, 'Look at this woman! She is beautifully dressed! '
All he saw was a woman objectified, in distress.
The box said, 'Look at that man! He commits crime! '
All he knew was a man in desperate need of a dime.
The box said, 'Look at this man! He is of the wise! '
All he knew was a man committed to lies.
The box said, 'Look at that child! He lives in poverty! '
There played a child rich thanks to his loving family.
The box said, 'Look at this child! She's a star! '
But the tears that fell said things had gone too far.
He closed the box and said, 'I obey God and follow His prophets.
And with that, no one can ever go wrong.'
Thank you arbil_poieo and monablackbird for your comments and help. I have taken your feedback into consideration and made some changes. I hope this is better.
If you think there could be more editing done, please let me know. Thanks again!The box said, 'Look at that woman! She is oppressed! '
All he saw was a woman pious and blessed.
The box said, 'Look at this woman! She is beautifully dressed! '
All he saw was a woman objectified, in distress.
The box said, 'Look at that man! He commits crime! '
All he knew was a man in desperate need of a dime.
The box said, 'Look at this man! He is of the wise! '
All he knew was a man committed to lies.
The box said, 'Look at that child! He lives in poverty! '
There played a child rich thanks to his loving family.
The box said, 'Look at this child! She's a star! '
But the tears that fell said things had gone too far.
He closed the box and said, 'I obey God and follow His prophets.
And with that, no one can ever go wrong.'