Haunted by Jellyfish

[Todd]

Hi Mona, I'm not saying I have a full handle on the meaning yet, but I do like this catchy poem. The rhyme and meter feel right to me (save one small spot that I'll point out). Here are some comments for you:

Haunted by jellyfish
Clogs in the drain
Made of spilling saltwater--to my ear spilled or spilt (depending I guess on what side of the pond you're from) would sound and flow better
And hard raging pain

Stings went unnamed
Mistaken for sane
Save for Harmless and Natural
And Redheaded Jane--this all comes across as quirky and interesting. Also the idea of stings unmentioned and mistaken for a rational response to pain is interesting. It says dysfunctional family to me, and the coping mechanisms we build to keep it together. It may be an incorrect interpretation but it does present an interesting interpretation for the extended metaphor of the Jellyfish

Long tentacles linger
Still writhing too near
Ghosts thought forgotten
Rattle chains ‘round here--this makes me think of regrets also. I wonder if your current title is pointing us to the effect of aging and reflection upon a broken down body and regrets. Just thinking out loud

We pretend they’re all dead
Those specters of fear
But only size twelves
Can squash them, my dear--nice bit of humor. Now I'm thinking of the fears of childhood that we eventually abandon but there may be some truth to it all.

- - -
Been working on this one a few days now and have now hit a block with it. I keep trying to punch it up with some of the one-liners and imagery I'm so fond of but it keeps telling me it needs to be more simple - more direct. It's odd for me to do rhyme and I'm not sure why I chose it here. I'm already thinking of how to rewrite this without it. Also, I feel like this last stanza needs some work and I'm not sure what to do with it. I want to get the same sentiment across but am definitely open to editing those lines. Oh, and I'd also rather just call this "Haunted by Jellyfish" but how does that work when it's also the first line? Thanks all in advance. I do so love this place.

I can see I'm all over the board with my thoughts here. I hope that stream of consciousness thing is helpful. I don't have any big nits on the execution or the rhyme. I'm mostly just bouncing around the content.

Best,

Todd