The Box

[monablackbird]

I think the meaning of this poem is wonderful. I actually feel that it's more about general values and human dignity than the construct of religion itself. My favorite lines are the first two. That might be because I'm female but I think it's probably more because I legitimately feel human relationships are the backbone of our society and they begin with how we define ourselves. Gender is the first definition of ourselves we're given in life.

Anyway.... my personal beliefs aside, this spoke to me and I like your theme. However, I think the words could be polished up a bit, flow better, and your lines could be delivered with more of the passion you intended. I've done a bit of editing below. I'm still getting used to the forums here so please forgive me if there is a way I'm supposed to format my edits. And these are just suggestions of course. Best of luck and thank you for sharing your work.

The box said, 'Look at that woman! She is oppressed! '
But all he saw was someone pious and blessed.

The box said, 'Look at this woman! She is beautifully dressed! '
He looked and saw a person objectified, in distress.

The box said, 'Look at that man! He commits crime! '
There stood one who liked to pray on time.

The box said, 'Look at this man! He is of the wise! '
Before him was a man committed to lies.

The box said, 'Look at that child! He lives in poverty! '
There played a child rich in love and family.

The box said, 'Look at this child! She's a star! '
But the tears that fell said things had gone too far.

The box said, 'Look at yourself! You don't belong! '
He closed it and said, 'I obey God and follow His prophets.
And with that, no one can ever go wrong.'

* I'm a bit stumped for this last line but I think it could be worked on a bit more. Maybe allow for more ambiguity like in the rest of poem?