Bit of Advice Needed:

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So... As I've alluded to, I've been a loner until, well, pretty much up until a year ago, and all my friends are people who talked to me first. Well, except for one girl who's rather shy herself, I actually initiated conversation first last summer, at the insistence of a friend to talk to people.

And as I've also said, I hide the restless circles under my eyes with red paint, throw white chalk on my face to hide the fact that it actually is the color of chalk, and honk a little horn so I don't have to talk. Figuratively, that is.
Point is, I make people laugh. All I really want is to make people happy. I don't even get picked on so much, because it's pretty hard for other guys to top what I've got to say. And if they need an ear, I'm always there to lend it.
But no one really talks to a clown. I'm not exactly invisible, but no one really thinks about me. I'm literally picked last in every class or group I'm in, but it isn't necessarily because I suck at it. I just don't cross their mind. Teachers hardly call on me either, I'm mostly just some chopped liver.

Don't get me wrong, I want to make others happy. I get happiness out of that. But I don't get satisfaction.
That's why I write so much about loneliness --The Big Empty, "The Lack Thereof"-- in my life. I have my humor, but...
I honestly cannot remember a single time a genuine conversation about me was started by someone else. I've jawed a bit to my close friends, but it doesn't make them happy.

Anyways, I figured if I wanted advice about my social life the natural place to go is the forum consisting of introverted individuals as a rule.

Also because at least some of y'all know how to express yourself.
The only reason I can be more open here is because you aren't listening to a clown, and I can't tell if you guys are happy or not unless you say so.


Oh, right. Question.
Do y'all understand what I'm talking about, and do you have any advice for how I can talk to people without having to be ridiculous?

Also, am I actually crazy and all healthy relationships are actually built on laughter alone?




PS: If I seem a bit crazy, I have some weird bug. It's going around my family, and somehow just messes with my mind. It's got me spacing out the way a prescription depressant would.