01-15-2013, 09:59 AM
Thank you all for your criticisms.
@Billy, not quite sold on the idea that poetry needs to be obscure to get across it's meaning.
@Todd:As regards choppy and forced, the 3 rd verse definitely to me seems that way.
Overall happy with verses 2 and 4, 3 definitely needs work, and 1 perhaps some polish. The idea was that sorrow is always there, but it was hidden by her smile and also the use of "seemed".
@Billy, not quite sold on the idea that poetry needs to be obscure to get across it's meaning.
@Todd:As regards choppy and forced, the 3 rd verse definitely to me seems that way.
Overall happy with verses 2 and 4, 3 definitely needs work, and 1 perhaps some polish. The idea was that sorrow is always there, but it was hidden by her smile and also the use of "seemed".