01-15-2013, 04:30 AM
Thanks! I really appreciate your comments. I'll just go through them.
I'll rephrase the first line, it's not really meant to be a question, more "this is how I'm going to describe how I feel some days" then how can I. Why don't you like them, out of curiosity?
The first two lines aren't linked, the first is using curdled milk to describe the feeling, the second is using a scenario which gives that feeling. I didn't think they looked linked due to the comma but I'll think of revising it. I already used caught but I'll think about what you said. What I mean by trapped is when you are outside in the rain and you can't get out of it? Like when you're half way through a walk over the moors or in a quiet town at night.
I like the phlegm suggestion, will definitely consider it when I do my next revision of it. Sometimes I like repetition but maybe it is too annoying in this instance. Thanks.
Great crit <3
I'll rephrase the first line, it's not really meant to be a question, more "this is how I'm going to describe how I feel some days" then how can I. Why don't you like them, out of curiosity?
The first two lines aren't linked, the first is using curdled milk to describe the feeling, the second is using a scenario which gives that feeling. I didn't think they looked linked due to the comma but I'll think of revising it. I already used caught but I'll think about what you said. What I mean by trapped is when you are outside in the rain and you can't get out of it? Like when you're half way through a walk over the moors or in a quiet town at night.
I like the phlegm suggestion, will definitely consider it when I do my next revision of it. Sometimes I like repetition but maybe it is too annoying in this instance. Thanks.
Great crit <3