Untitled 1st poem
#11
If you're happy with it, leave it. However, it would only take one word to change it from a standard expression that requires the reader to fill in the blanks, to a more substantial impression of the nature of the relationship and its effect on the writer/poetic voice. Just now I really only get "you broke my heart but I'd take you back".
It could be worse
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Messages In This Thread
Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-14-2013, 09:07 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Arriedo - 01-14-2013, 09:39 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Leanne - 01-14-2013, 09:55 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-14-2013, 10:37 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Leanne - 01-14-2013, 10:51 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-14-2013, 11:00 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Leanne - 01-14-2013, 11:05 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-14-2013, 11:16 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Leanne - 01-14-2013, 11:39 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-14-2013, 11:55 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Leanne - 01-14-2013, 12:03 PM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-14-2013, 12:53 PM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by billy - 01-14-2013, 04:12 PM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Todd - 01-15-2013, 07:04 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-15-2013, 09:59 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by billy - 01-15-2013, 10:23 AM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by Mogra - 01-17-2013, 02:38 PM
RE: Untitled 1st poem - by earlymorningnoises - 01-15-2013, 01:00 PM



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