01-14-2013, 05:08 AM
A couple things:
As far as Daughter-World goes, I can see how that explanation fits so I don't think I'd call it a failure. It is true though that once your poetry goes out there you lose the ability to control the interpretation. I think the world part didn't imply moon to me anywhere.
Next, I'll start a thread in the poetry discussion forum on free verse using your questions as the starting point. It's more than just the line breaks and I've been on those forums too. In general you want to follow consistent grammar until well you don't. I don't mind the discussion here but I'd rather the focus stay on the poem so be looking for the thread, and contribute to it if you like.
To the poem again, most of what I write is in free verse. I do use some tricks Leanne taught me to get a handle on meter though that have been helpful. When I read your clad line it works with the rhythm though I think the challenge in all poetry form or free is too not use any unnecessary words. I don't mean by that cut "the, and, to" or make a choppy sounding flow. I mean if the word isn't necessary cut it. Clad isn't needed for tone or meaning--so, I would cut it. Yes, it requires you to fix the line relative to the meter which wouldn't be necessary in free verse. If you can't come up with a better fix you keep clad. If you can, the poem is stronger. That's the challenge.
This line also felt a little off to me from a meter perspective:
Redeeming wilds to make new homes.
It could just be me, my accent, and the way I read it, but it felt off.
Best,
Todd
As far as Daughter-World goes, I can see how that explanation fits so I don't think I'd call it a failure. It is true though that once your poetry goes out there you lose the ability to control the interpretation. I think the world part didn't imply moon to me anywhere.
Next, I'll start a thread in the poetry discussion forum on free verse using your questions as the starting point. It's more than just the line breaks and I've been on those forums too. In general you want to follow consistent grammar until well you don't. I don't mind the discussion here but I'd rather the focus stay on the poem so be looking for the thread, and contribute to it if you like.
To the poem again, most of what I write is in free verse. I do use some tricks Leanne taught me to get a handle on meter though that have been helpful. When I read your clad line it works with the rhythm though I think the challenge in all poetry form or free is too not use any unnecessary words. I don't mean by that cut "the, and, to" or make a choppy sounding flow. I mean if the word isn't necessary cut it. Clad isn't needed for tone or meaning--so, I would cut it. Yes, it requires you to fix the line relative to the meter which wouldn't be necessary in free verse. If you can't come up with a better fix you keep clad. If you can, the poem is stronger. That's the challenge.
This line also felt a little off to me from a meter perspective:
Redeeming wilds to make new homes.
It could just be me, my accent, and the way I read it, but it felt off.
Best,
Todd
(01-14-2013, 12:10 AM)svanhoeven Wrote: Thanks Card and Todd for your encouragement.
Todd, point taken on the extra verbiage. I think some of it came about because I wanted to use strict meter and rhyme on my first poem. I still don't understand the ineffable difference between free verse and prose. I didn't want to make any exceptions to the meter because, in my opinion anyway, I need to learn to do it right before doing it wrong on purpose. So to remove "clad", for example, I need to rework the whole line. I'd appreciate any more feedback you might have of what ended up sounding forced due to the strict meter and rhyme.
As to the "Daughter-World" thing, this is another newbie lesson for me, because you never know how a reader is going to interpret phrases like that. When I wrote it, I hadn't really considered the "seeding life" aspect. I was thinking of the dominant hypothesis of the moon's birth, which is the theory that the moon resulted from a collision between the early Earth and another wandering planet-size mass, making the moon "offspring" in a way. Also, since the moon is usually thought of as feminine in literature and Romance languages, I tried to use the image of the moon as daughter to "mother" Earth. It didn't work, I guess.
Very good stuff to think about. Thanks.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson