01-14-2013, 12:10 AM
Thanks Card and Todd for your encouragement.
Todd, point taken on the extra verbiage. I think some of it came about because I wanted to use strict meter and rhyme on my first poem. I still don't understand the ineffable difference between free verse and prose. I didn't want to make any exceptions to the meter because, in my opinion anyway, I need to learn to do it right before doing it wrong on purpose. So to remove "clad", for example, I need to rework the whole line. I'd appreciate any more feedback you might have of what ended up sounding forced due to the strict meter and rhyme.
As to the "Daughter-World" thing, this is another newbie lesson for me, because you never know how a reader is going to interpret phrases like that. When I wrote it, I hadn't really considered the "seeding life" aspect. I was thinking of the dominant hypothesis of the moon's birth, which is the theory that the moon resulted from a collision between the early Earth and another wandering planet-size mass, making the moon "offspring" in a way. Also, since the moon is usually thought of as feminine in literature and Romance languages, I tried to use the image of the moon as daughter to "mother" Earth. It didn't work, I guess.
Very good stuff to think about. Thanks.
Todd, point taken on the extra verbiage. I think some of it came about because I wanted to use strict meter and rhyme on my first poem. I still don't understand the ineffable difference between free verse and prose. I didn't want to make any exceptions to the meter because, in my opinion anyway, I need to learn to do it right before doing it wrong on purpose. So to remove "clad", for example, I need to rework the whole line. I'd appreciate any more feedback you might have of what ended up sounding forced due to the strict meter and rhyme.
As to the "Daughter-World" thing, this is another newbie lesson for me, because you never know how a reader is going to interpret phrases like that. When I wrote it, I hadn't really considered the "seeding life" aspect. I was thinking of the dominant hypothesis of the moon's birth, which is the theory that the moon resulted from a collision between the early Earth and another wandering planet-size mass, making the moon "offspring" in a way. Also, since the moon is usually thought of as feminine in literature and Romance languages, I tried to use the image of the moon as daughter to "mother" Earth. It didn't work, I guess.
Very good stuff to think about. Thanks.