01-13-2013, 01:42 PM
Hey Fathima,
The 3rd stanza sticks out, but I think that's the point. It made me really pay attention to it because of it not rhyming then the last stanza goes back to rhyming. Usually it would be disruptive, but for me it added something to this. It quickly changed the mood from humor to the girl finding it insulting and not funny and the 3rd stanza served as like a pause before the sense of clarity from her.
I really like the originality, but my one nit would be the lack of punctuation in the last 4 lines. I enjoyed the read very much.
The 3rd stanza sticks out, but I think that's the point. It made me really pay attention to it because of it not rhyming then the last stanza goes back to rhyming. Usually it would be disruptive, but for me it added something to this. It quickly changed the mood from humor to the girl finding it insulting and not funny and the 3rd stanza served as like a pause before the sense of clarity from her.
I really like the originality, but my one nit would be the lack of punctuation in the last 4 lines. I enjoyed the read very much.