Tiny

[Fathima]

Hi Fathima,

Here are my opinions on the rewrite:

Hi,

Thank you all very much for your comments and feedback. I took them into consideration and made some changes. Is this better?


The dark filled her eyes with sparkles.--good edit. I think you still need a how tiny on the next line maybe in italics to set up your final line's payoff
Rich grown voices told her they were stars.--when you can, try to use one modifier instead of two. Rich grown could maybe be replaced with deep
Massive balloons of gas to explain it.--again I don't think you need to explain it
She laughed, "How tiny!"--solid

I think it's definitely a step forward.

Hi Todd, thanks again for your feedback. I've made some more changes.

Tiny sparkles filled the eyes of a little angel.
Deep voices told her they were stars.
Massive balloons of gas.
She laughed, "How tiny!"