Dependence

[nothing_good16]

i'd say no to the last line and the line that precedes it. they feel forced.

Dear Conscience,

She lies there lifeless in a pool of blood as I debate whether I should save her or not.
I could tell them to take it out and let her rot.
–Or I can make the choice everyone forgot—And let her live.
This is a decision only I can give.
Only I can save her. Only I can grave her. i like this line, that some has this kind of power is intriguing,
But in my arms, will she be any safer?
Why would God put her destiny faithfully in my sinful hands knowing that she has no control as my future blands?. blands doesn't work
Do I be selfish? Or give her life? 'do i be' is pirate speak
Do I tell them to prepare the knife?
If I say the order to finish her off, I can return to my carefree joy. give the order
But, I was the one who bought her with a physical transaction like she was a toy
She has no say. No voice. No feelings.
Even though she’s not alive right now, I have the power to give her breath!
I Am Not God
But, I surely have a better appreciation because I never understood what it took to decide life or death. If only I could comprehend the truth of your wealth.
It’s crazy how everything about you depends on me.
Then, I begin to think about what if I was she.
About how lifeless I could be.

I only have three weeks to make the call.

(That is all.) ====I may or may not add this line

i think if it's a personal poem or trying to be a personal poem, it needs to be made to feel personal. who is she, why is she lifeless. is it a coma? the reader needs more than;


She lies there lifeless in a pool of blood

it could be pet, give us a picture instead of telling us in a cliche.
she's deader than road-kill in bowl of rotting cherries.
of course that not the image you're looking for but it shows how you make something much more touchable

Thanks for your feedback!
Actually, the poem isn't personal but, I was trying to portray the idea of the women's power in the choice to have an abortion and the fact that the child's future depends COMPLETELY on the decision of the mother.
I was hoping that these lines would definitely give it away:

"But, I was the one who bought her with a physical transaction like she was a toy. She has no say. No voice. No feelings. Even though she’s not alive right now, I have the power to give her breath! I Am Not God. But, I surely have a better appreciation because I never understood what it took to decide life or death. "

Guess not. lol. How can I better define this throughout the poem? And do you have any tips on how I can rap up the ending a little better?
Thanks