Her Soul Is Set Free

[nothing_good16]

Our hearts were heavy. this is a bit cliche and would ask is it needed
Our souls pinned to the chair.Great line sets the scene
Our eyes broke like a levy strong image is Our needed as already saidas sorrow filled the air. could you find a different way to say this? as a bit cliche
Only thing moving was the TV. great line and image

Only thought was "that's not fair".

I had my family.

We had the biggest scare. the 3 lines feel a little weak

That maybe she'd live and suffer
more than we could love her.

But God did her justice and set her free.

Now, she can finally meet her mom
and reunite with old family. I like the ending it counters the heavey opening stanza

All round well worked poem, hope some of the comments help. Thanks TOMH

Thanks alot for your feedback. This poem was actually about the night my grandmother died and the way I felt. The repetition of "our" was to re-enforce the line "I had my family". And as far as the 3 lines that you said were weak, I thought that it would be best for their simplicity to help portray the mood in the room that night. Those lines pretty much explained all that we could think of that night. I agree that some of the lines are pretty cliche. I'll find ways to revise them but, as a quick question: Is it ALWAYS bad to have a few cliche lines in your poetry? Or is there any appropriate time for it?

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I'm n love with this! Thank you so much for sharing your lovely poem.

thank you so much!