01-09-2013, 07:56 AM
Hey Tectak,
Thank you for taking a look at this again. I made a lot of changes, specifically rearranging the stanzas because at 3 in the morning I thought they seemed out of order. I figured changing them this way would make it better or at least make it more clear, but I guess that's what I get for thinking too much at 3 in the morning, so in your honest opinion did I drop the ball with this by doing a make-over?
You also mentioned that some of my lines were cliche, should I change them or get rid of them?
I agree with you about the long sentence, I was hesitant about it when I wrote it...I'll go with how you put it, it seems better.
Thank you again for your suggestion.
Thank you for taking a look at this again. I made a lot of changes, specifically rearranging the stanzas because at 3 in the morning I thought they seemed out of order. I figured changing them this way would make it better or at least make it more clear, but I guess that's what I get for thinking too much at 3 in the morning, so in your honest opinion did I drop the ball with this by doing a make-over?
You also mentioned that some of my lines were cliche, should I change them or get rid of them?
I agree with you about the long sentence, I was hesitant about it when I wrote it...I'll go with how you put it, it seems better.
Thank you again for your suggestion.