01-09-2013, 03:18 AM
Hi Eliz,
I liked this. One thing to consider is you have some parts here that may be overly wordy that would be strengthened by some cuts.
L3 for instance, you could cut everything after quivered. Quivered gives a sense of softly already, and just is often a throwaway word.
It's a good poem though. I think with some tightening it would be even better.
Best,
Todd
I liked this. One thing to consider is you have some parts here that may be overly wordy that would be strengthened by some cuts.
L3 for instance, you could cut everything after quivered. Quivered gives a sense of softly already, and just is often a throwaway word.
It's a good poem though. I think with some tightening it would be even better.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson