01-08-2013, 08:16 AM
Thanks for the extra replies people! I've enjoyed them. 
That's some good advice about elaborating, arbil_poieo. I wanted to keep things concise, but maybe I'm harming the quality of the poem by being focused on brevity and perfect lines.
Also I was thinking of excising the last two lines, because it was one of the first things I wrote and frankly I may be sick of them by now.
But because of your recommendation I'll leave it in.
That's a nice poem in itself billy - I can see your experience showing.
I've been stuck the last couple of days, (trying to use imagery, be meaningful, be personal, etc, etc), but I think your work may jostle me out of my writer's block.
Thanks again!
That's some good advice about elaborating, arbil_poieo. I wanted to keep things concise, but maybe I'm harming the quality of the poem by being focused on brevity and perfect lines.
Also I was thinking of excising the last two lines, because it was one of the first things I wrote and frankly I may be sick of them by now.
But because of your recommendation I'll leave it in. That's a nice poem in itself billy - I can see your experience showing.
I've been stuck the last couple of days, (trying to use imagery, be meaningful, be personal, etc, etc), but I think your work may jostle me out of my writer's block.Thanks again!