01-07-2013, 09:45 AM
Heya aaron,
This was moving with a surreal calm tone, I think what catches my attention the most are the light carefree words...very impressive.
I agree with AJ's comment---"speading my wings over the sea"
"searching of songs the spirit sings"
To get rid of all the pesky little words that aren't necessary, it really just allow the images to shine through
I would have also liked for a more vivid description of the lily, it seems to be an essential piece to this poem, so it wouldd help the reader to see this lily through words.
This was moving with a surreal calm tone, I think what catches my attention the most are the light carefree words...very impressive.
I agree with AJ's comment---"speading my wings over the sea"
"searching of songs the spirit sings"
To get rid of all the pesky little words that aren't necessary, it really just allow the images to shine through
I would have also liked for a more vivid description of the lily, it seems to be an essential piece to this poem, so it wouldd help the reader to see this lily through words.