The Path We Lost

[zeevs100]

1st edit

Amidst the days we dreamed together,
Along the nights we couldn't sleep,
Naïve, we thought we'll have forever
The touch, the thought, the love...ellipses are probably superfluous.

A Sphinx who came from lands of sorrowI am missing some classical mythology, methinks. Care to educate me?
Foretold the end of our path,Oh, clever! You realised that "..ow-er path" rather than "owr" would work...or did you?
That it is not another morrow
Another way or start...

The days grew short, the nights went longer,Or " The days fell short, the nights grew longer" .Your poem. Just a suggestion. "went" seems ill-chosen
The winds began to roam the seas, lovely stuff
But we will stand as we are stronger
Than storm, than pain, than death...

'twas us who understood the gloryVolte face! Proclaim it!
'twas you who made my life come true
But it is us who tell the story
Of tears, of love, of joy...

For me, a great improvement. I hope for you,too.
Best,
tectak



The Original
Amidst the days we dreamed together,
Along the nights we couldn’t sleep,
Naïve, we thought we’ll have forever
The touch, the thought, the love...

The days grew short, the nights went darker
The pain was never-ending
The dear songs, we sang together
Were ghastly fading.

Along the way, the Sphinx foretold
The paths would be misleading
You couldn’t tell, you couldn’t see
The true forgiving…

I couldn’t see, I couldn’t tell my love
Too great to dwell in honors
We lost the path, we lost the way
The touch, the thought, the dreams…

Will change everything you suggested... I just dont know how I forgot the word to fall Thanks!
Well the Sphinx, I didn't want to kill him in the first place I didn't make a reference to mythology, it is a symbol of a all-mighty, all-knowing creature - a metaphor for the Fate.

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P.S. I did the ow-er thing