The Path We Lost

[zeevs100]

thx, I'll work on my attitude, I don't want to sound dumb I work now on the poem, and as soon as I finish I will post the new version

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And If...

And if the branches tap my pane
And the poplars whisper nightly,
It is to make me dream again
I hold you to me tightly.

And if the stars shine on the pond
And light its sombre shoal,
It is to quench my mind's despond
And flood with peace my soul.

And if the clouds their tresses part
And does the moon outblaze,
It is but to remind my heart
I long for you always.


hmmm so this is an english translation of your Eminescu guy - probably it lost something from the rumanian - is this kinda what you are aiming at?

Well you can notice that it conforms to those meter thingummys, at least the translation does, I figure it also would in the original.

May I suggest, humbly, that you could read some more english poetry, actually the english contemparies for Eminescu are also romantics to a great extent, but stylistically a but different, why not to start there and then move forwards in time, this is 150 years old!

the feelings expressed here of course transcend the era, contempary poets have a slightly different approach and familiarising yourself with some additional inspiration might help you to explore alternative ways of expressing yourself.

I apologise if this is a bit much, not wanted and for sure not a critique of your poem (number one transgression from me)


all the best

StalkeR

I've nothing against post-modern literature, but I can't understand it, and I don't associate with it. It's strange for me, it looks strange, and I cannot understand it. You say it's 150 years old. Would you prefer the fresh wine or the aged one? I'll go for the aged

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I'm done, tried to do my best! Now, in waiting for your critique