The Path We Lost

[tectak]

you're putting a good sense of humor in your comments, I couldn't stop laughing
In fact I didn't want to force the rhyme, I wrote what I felt, I didn't want to respect the rhyme scheme either.
I know the meaning may be ambiguous at the end, but I don't want to "throw" stuff.
Though, the gerunds... are a problem... I will certainly do something with that.

Hi zeevs,
A quick follow on. In serious crit you post work in order to improve...usually by "workshopping". You have the right attitude and seem able to respond positively to the opinions of others. Can I offer a word of caution? When responding to crit try to avoid these four things.
1) I don't care about rhythm. I just write what I like.
2) I don't care about consistency of rhyme. I just put what comes in to my head.
3) I don't care about punctuation. Punctuation is dumb.
4) I don't care if I make sense. I expect the reader to translate my work.
5) I don't care about spelling, I write as I talk.
All of the above is just fine if you want to read your work to your pet goldfish with the lights out......but the thing is, it doesn't leave a whole lot to crit
Best,
tectak