Apart

[tectak]

Rev. I
(based on tec's comments. Thank you, tec! Please, tell me if this reads better.)
Good edit,serge....but l would say that, wouldn't I

I cannot tell you, Doesn't need the comma, serge.
what ultimately tore us apart.
I'm not the one to ask, baby.
So don't!
We fell out of lovePossibly a semi-colon here
Does it not seem as if it has all gone?
You are so cold beside me.
You could prove me wrong,
but will you even give it a try?
I would lie down between
your legs and let you
have your way with me.
Please, do me as you like.
If you can please me,
I will stay.
Excellent stuff,serge. Well worth the effort and highly readable.
Best,
tectak[/i]
Original:

What ultimately tore us apart
I'm not the one to ask, baby.
Don't ask me!
And you know it better than me anyway.

We fell out, you too I hope,
of love.

Does it not seem, as if it
is all gone, with you so cold next to me?

There is a chance you prove me wrong
but will you give it a try?

I would lay down
between your legs
and let you have your way.
Blind me with your light,
do me as you like,


Should I be pleased,
I would not run away

anymore.


Most likely.