01-05-2013, 02:21 PM
Stanza 1:
Line 1 & 2- The imagery you've created is great, and you've set the seen well, but I'm not sure why you've posed it as a question. Why connect the dog barking with the window?
Line 4 & 5- I like the seeming randomness of this question. To me, they're the sorts of question your mind flitters through when you cannot sleep because of the heat. This was nicely done in my opinion.
Stanza 2:
Line 1 & 2- Not sure about your use of enjambment here. Was there a reason you structure it like this other than for asthetics?
Line 4- Loved how you came back to this later on in the poem
Line 5- My favourite line of the poem. Do not change it. Ever.
Stanza 3-
Not a criticism, more of a question- why have you written three lines for the third stanza?
Line 2 & 3- Here, I loved the enjambment. It worked much better here so that the dig is clearer.
Stanza 4-
Line 1- I hated 'trot'. I understand you've got a sense of humour beneath your resentment from the rest of the poem. There's no need to laud it about.
Line 2- 'sexless air.' Great. Says a lot.
Line 4- as mentioned, I love how you linked this with the second stanza.
Why 5 lines though?
-Hurst
Line 1 & 2- The imagery you've created is great, and you've set the seen well, but I'm not sure why you've posed it as a question. Why connect the dog barking with the window?
Line 4 & 5- I like the seeming randomness of this question. To me, they're the sorts of question your mind flitters through when you cannot sleep because of the heat. This was nicely done in my opinion.
Stanza 2:
Line 1 & 2- Not sure about your use of enjambment here. Was there a reason you structure it like this other than for asthetics?
Line 4- Loved how you came back to this later on in the poem
Line 5- My favourite line of the poem. Do not change it. Ever.
Stanza 3-
Not a criticism, more of a question- why have you written three lines for the third stanza?
Line 2 & 3- Here, I loved the enjambment. It worked much better here so that the dig is clearer.
Stanza 4-
Line 1- I hated 'trot'. I understand you've got a sense of humour beneath your resentment from the rest of the poem. There's no need to laud it about.
Line 2- 'sexless air.' Great. Says a lot.
Line 4- as mentioned, I love how you linked this with the second stanza.
Why 5 lines though?
-Hurst