01-04-2013, 04:40 PM
hi jae, while the edit is small it does improve the piece. that said, not enough to warrant breaking a form you're trying to get.
if you're going for 575 i'd suggest something like;
A good idea
framed by that fiend cliché
may find itself rot
should we hand red rose;
Will it abolish sun's ray
to winter’s cold veil?
Are we set rigid
against falling hopes and hail
If this kiss should fail?
which would sort out the 557 lines in the 1st 2 stanza. hope showing it this way doesn't offend.
if you're going for 575 i'd suggest something like;
A good idea
framed by that fiend cliché
may find itself rot
should we hand red rose;
Will it abolish sun's ray
to winter’s cold veil?
Are we set rigid
against falling hopes and hail
If this kiss should fail?
which would sort out the 557 lines in the 1st 2 stanza. hope showing it this way doesn't offend.