Old Guns. Edit 2. billy, todd et al

[tectak]

Hi tectak, are you doing a more literate Tupac's Me and My Girlfriend? Just kidding.

You are my comfort now, you have grown old with me.
Long ago, you were my guardian, but in this dark and familiar room,--God, this gives the mood of an upcoming suicide
my protection is as inconsequential as the death of a flower, the fall of a leaf,--do you need the "is". I like the nature images. Spring is long past. We are in an autumn where the things of beauty are fading. It also speaks to the state of the speaker's mind
or the sound of a gun after dark in screaming Columbian streets.--given the title I don't really like "or the sound of a gun". I like the second phrase with the Columbian streets just needs a different lead in
You are by my side and that is all I ever asked. Even when I was young--maybe a slight change would make this less predictable: That you are by my side is...Just a thought
and stood, by choice, tall as a tree in a desert; visible, vulnerable and yet unafraid,--desert and tree don't seem to fit. I realize there are trees in the desert. I associate shrubs more with deserts obviously that would screw up your descriptive word choices
you were always close to me. I never told you that you were my strength;--do you really need "you were always close to me"?
but I held you. I caressed you. I stripped you down and put you together again.[b]--The repetition of I may be a little much. I do love the stripped you for the dual meaning
I knew you as well as blood. One day, and I say this to a friend,--I love I knew you as well as blood
if I live too long, you will be my comfort.

tectak Jan 2013

I enjoyed the read. I hope the comments help in some way.

Best,

Todd

Thanks tod,
I have done an immediate rewrite based on some of your comments....although Tupac is a mystery to me, but it is late.
Best,
tectak