01-04-2013, 02:59 AM
I'm really sorry. I have trouble following the poem with the spacing between each stanza fluctuating, but I hope I managed. It was slightly annoying.
This stanza:
You know, I am starting
to think that
well-meaning people who
in the first place have no clue
but try to advise nevertheless
to me exactly as if their life would be
gone or wasted if I do not succumb
they should for mine and their better
be left outside.
It doesn't really flow that well, mainly due to the lack of punctuation. I don't really get how "gone or wasted if I do not succumb" connects immediately with "they should for mine and their better". I wish I can give you more comments but honestly, I found it quite hard to follow the poem. Sorry.
This stanza:
You know, I am starting
to think that
well-meaning people who
in the first place have no clue
but try to advise nevertheless
to me exactly as if their life would be
gone or wasted if I do not succumb
they should for mine and their better
be left outside.
It doesn't really flow that well, mainly due to the lack of punctuation. I don't really get how "gone or wasted if I do not succumb" connects immediately with "they should for mine and their better". I wish I can give you more comments but honestly, I found it quite hard to follow the poem. Sorry.
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