Addiction

[Pete Ak]

 
You are my sordid, perfect secret,
I'm bothered by the two adjectives, think you could lose 'perfect'.

You are my hero, my heroin;
The absence of an 'e' at the end of heroin identifies clearly what could have been presented in a kind of riddle form... I'm glad you didn't because it's a tired joke but in coming clean on this (forgive the pun) I think there would be more clarity and drama if the line was something like: 'heroin, you are my hero'

I crave you more than a thousand pills;
I'm not sure about this either. "... more than" doesn't help me much if I don't have any way of understanding what it's like to crave 1000 pills. (I also wonder if a specific name would be better than 'pills.'

Your body against mine-ecstasy,
Like the needle that pierces my skin;
Coke me up baby, then let me down.
Let me get high on this endless lust,
Love is for others, we cannot be.
I try to hallucinate a life
"Try to" feels superfluous and I wonder if 'hallucinate' is the correct word even tho it's associated with some drug taking. 'Imagine' would perhaps be worth thinking about.

Of pure, wholesome domesticity;
But you see, those dreams are too fleeting;
Reality aches like the morning,
But my mornings don't ache! I get the 'reality aches' but feel a better simile is needed here.

Of blue bruises and shadows of joy;
Would legality crush our passion?
I get the feel of an important question but it's lost here, left alone without an answer.

We thrive on the rush that floods our veins,
Forbidden alleys that deal deceit;
I like these two lines even though the way it's written reads as if you thrive on the rush AND the 'forbidden alleys' - maybe to say 'floods our veins IN those forbidden alleys...' is an option, up to you.

No one has guessed and no one can know;
You and me and Charlie rule this world.
You are my snow fall, my knight gone wrong;
I am on a pathway to the sky;
Tell me you love me and I might die.

I like the end - wonder if the rhyme is deliberate as it may be a little distracting.
Overall I enjoyed the feel and appreciate where you're going with this.