01-03-2013, 08:35 PM
Brilliant! I'm in the unknown as to Columbian streets. I can imagine something illegal. ;-)
Guardian?
L2: My my (as much as I love the song by Neil. it's a bit redundant. I know it's just a typo. I do that all the time.
Content-wise on L3: Why is the death of a flower etc inconsequential. It is consequential in the harvest, me thought. But do not get me wrong: I love these metaphors. Just that in line four I find the comma disturbing. In my ear the line rolls better without it.
L5: by my side: a tad cliché. Line 7. do you really need „yet“?
Absolutely love the last 2 lines!
Very fine stuff. It was a joy to read.
cheers
Serge
Guardian?
L2: My my (as much as I love the song by Neil. it's a bit redundant. I know it's just a typo. I do that all the time.
Content-wise on L3: Why is the death of a flower etc inconsequential. It is consequential in the harvest, me thought. But do not get me wrong: I love these metaphors. Just that in line four I find the comma disturbing. In my ear the line rolls better without it.
L5: by my side: a tad cliché. Line 7. do you really need „yet“?
Absolutely love the last 2 lines!
Very fine stuff. It was a joy to read.
cheers
Serge