01-03-2013, 01:56 PM
Hi! It's a short and sweet poem. I like how the whole poem feels a little tongue-in-cheek, but personally I think you could try to introduce some more emotional aspects to it, to give it a little more impact. As it stands, it works well, but given the context of it, more emotions would enable the readers to relate to it better.
For example, in the penultimate stanza,
I thought it's be cute,
A mark of love.
But my bullet,
Has shot our dove.
By changing a few words here and there, more powerful, intense words, you can introduce the emotions of anger:
I thought it's cute,
Our mark of love.
But the bullet,
Killed our dove.
Of course, it doesn't have to be anger; any emotions you think is fitting can be introduced, as long as you use the right words.
For example, in the penultimate stanza,
I thought it's be cute,
A mark of love.
But my bullet,
Has shot our dove.
By changing a few words here and there, more powerful, intense words, you can introduce the emotions of anger:
I thought it's cute,
Our mark of love.
But the bullet,
Killed our dove.
Of course, it doesn't have to be anger; any emotions you think is fitting can be introduced, as long as you use the right words.
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