01-03-2013, 05:09 AM
Hi! I really like this poem. The impact you manage to deliver over just a few lines is great! In particular, I really like the 3rd stanza. It may only be one line, but it's sort of like the great revelation of the poem.
However, I got confused over the "forgets my direction" part of the second line. How did you forget your direction? What direction were you traveling on?
Also, I think that the second line of the fourth stanza can do without the word "parted".
Your use of the word "love" is also confusing. At first, love is presented as a somewhat powerful force that you cannot control, that it moves you towards loving someone forever. However, at the end, you say that it's not love after all. I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but if it is, then you did a great job.
However, I got confused over the "forgets my direction" part of the second line. How did you forget your direction? What direction were you traveling on?
Also, I think that the second line of the fourth stanza can do without the word "parted".
Your use of the word "love" is also confusing. At first, love is presented as a somewhat powerful force that you cannot control, that it moves you towards loving someone forever. However, at the end, you say that it's not love after all. I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but if it is, then you did a great job.
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