01-03-2013, 02:18 AM
"But what's good about in hate being soaked"
I'm not sure about this line. This actually didn't read as smoothly as I'd hoped. I like the original ending and not the alternate.
Also the first two lines seem unnecessary. They're both a little weak compared to the next two lines.
I was also always told to eliminate words where unnecessary, so I would personally get rid of the word "of" in the last line of the first stanza.
I'm not sure about this line. This actually didn't read as smoothly as I'd hoped. I like the original ending and not the alternate.
Also the first two lines seem unnecessary. They're both a little weak compared to the next two lines.
I was also always told to eliminate words where unnecessary, so I would personally get rid of the word "of" in the last line of the first stanza.
I'll be there in a minute.