01-01-2013, 12:42 AM
In my opinion this is a well crafted poem, it's reliance on rhyme does nothing to harm the narrative and little to hinder emotion being conveyed to me. There may be a few places where the rhythm isn't quite as flowing as others but they didn't stop me enjoying the read. If there is anything disappointing in the read it's that there is not as much drama as I was expecting when the flood happened. A lost life or lives or something significant washed away would have been the basis of a dramatic narrative but I'm guessing you prefer not to tamper with a true story? Notwithstanding this, I do see the value of the story as you've told it. Maybe the introduction of the brewery in V12 (of 16) as a pernicious entity could be earlier in the piece, creating some tension which the last five verses could be used to resolve? Just a thought!